Happy Independence Day

"...We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. That to secure these rights, governments are instituted among men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed... We, therefore, the representatives of the United States of America, in General Congress assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world... declare that these united colonies, are and of right ought to be free and independent states...And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes, and our sacred honor."

Here, in part, is what started it all... An idea - a dream - a vision that refused to die. Two hundred and thirty-five years later, we've been through a lot. Still the dream refuses to die. To use the words of our Founding Fathers, thank "Divine Providence" for that!!!

We've weathered wars and internal strife. We've seen acts of incredible bravery and moral corruption. We've seen "heroes proved in liberating strife"; who also gave their lives and sacred honor to preserve this great nation. As a nation, we are not perfect, but we are still the greatest nation on the earth.

With all my heart, I say thank you to those who have done so much to establish and preserve this great nation. With all my soul I echo the cry...

Not for the squeamish...

Talk about "Tender Mercies" and thank Heavens for Paramedics, ER doctors, and modern medicine!

Monday morning, I got up and went to the bathroom. Suddenly, my already difficult breathing almost stopped altogether!!! After trying to get it under control for several minutes, I managed enough air to call for Kevin's help. He was able to get me started on a nebulizer treatment to open my airway. I was prescribed this treatment to be done once every 4 to 6 hours. We did THREE in the space of a half hour and it barely made a difference.

At that point, Kev and I both realized that we were NOT going to be able to get me to the car and then to the hospital, so he called 911. The paramedics got here in minutes and took me to American Fork Hospital (the one closest to us). The ER doctor consulted with the Ear-nose & throat doctor who performed my tracheostomy last month, and they agreed to have me transported back to Utah Valley Regional Med. Ctr. where I had my surgery in May.

I was admitted and the ENT showed up later that afternoon to try and use a scope to see what was obstructing my breathing. The light on his scope burned out just as he got the silly thing past my vocal cords, so he scheduled a broncheoscomy for the next day.

This is what it showed... *warning, it's icky*

The top two pictures are of my vocal cords. The bottom left picture is the opening in my upper trachea (the size it SHOULD be). The bottom right picture is the lower part of my trachea and the area causing all the problems. THAT was what I was trying to breath through...YIKES!!!!!!!! It is shrunk by scar tissue caused by the tracheostomy they installed for my surgery in May. This condition occurs in only 5% of tracheostomy patients. (It figures I would be one of the 5%)

As soon as they realized the seriousness of this condition, they rushed me down to surgery to try and open the airway. Everything was complicated by the fact that since my jaws have been imobilized for the last 6 weeks, I can't open my mouth very far, even WITH the closing bands removed. The ENT almost cancelled the whole thing because he didn't think he'd have room to maneuver! As they were putting me under, I was saying all kinds of prayers that this would work. First question I asked as I came out of the anasthetic was "Did it work????" I was SO relieved when they said it had!!! Then I was saying all kinds of "Thank you, Heavenly Father!!!" prayers that it worked!

They kept me overnight to monitor my breathing and make sure I was ok. This morning they sent me home. My three-day adventure was over! The ENT wants me to follow up with the "Airway-clinic" at the University of Utah Medical Center in Salt Lake. He wants to see if their specialists can ensure that my airway stays open...I would like that, too!!!

For now, I'm home and breathing fairly easily! I have to keep a humidifier in whatever room I happen to be in. Dry air is BAD for this scar-tissue situation.

There's just NEVER a dull moment at our house, is there?

Still more "Tender Mercies"

I thought that recovering from all the surgery I had was going to be difficult enough. However, just when you think things are tough....they can get worse.

A week ago, I developed some serious congestion in my lungs. I wheeze when I breath and have moments where getting enough air seems impossible.

I have been to the pulmonologist, had multiple tests, and finally went to urgent care, yesterday. The doctors say I have "Stridor", which is an adult form of croupe. Whatever name they give this condition; it makes breathing quite a chore. Going across the house can leave me completely without air. It's more than a little scary.

Fortunately, I got some treatment yesterday in the form of a steriod shot to ease the inflamation in my upper lungs, and antibiotics in case there's infection in there, too. It's working, but working slowly. The alternative is to go into the hospital for observation and to have them suction out my lungs.... No, THANK YOU!!!!

All that being said, I received another witness today, that my Heavenly Father is aware of me and knows just what I need. I have not been well enough to attend Church since the Sunday before my surgery (that was May 15th). I miss it, very much!

Today I was supposed to attend Church with Kevin at his Young Adult Ward. They were having a special musical number that Kevin wanted to share with me. Obviously, I wasn't able to go. When the young adults heard that I wanted to come and couldn't, they jumped into action. They got a portion of their Ward choir to come to our house. They treated us to a mini-concert of several beautiful hymns; including Julia Sanchez singing "I Stand All Amazed" - which happens to be my very favorite Sacrament hymn.

They didn't cure my breathing problems, but they helped heal my worried heart. I don't think they realize how much this meant to me or how much they helped me feel the Spirit. They were certainly instruments in the Lord's hands in showing me more of His "tender mercies".

I am very humbly grateful!!!

Home at last...

...Actually, I got home Monday, but haven't had the energy to post anything before today. I'm doing this now, because today is "Doctor-day" and by the time we get home, I know I'm going to be a whupped-puppy!

Monday was probably the most difficult day of this whole experience. I felt better, I'd been moved up to the recovery floor after 14 days in ICU, and my surgeon had said I was going home that day. Unfortunately, it was also Memorial Day. Bit of advice...NEVER try to get discharged from the hospital on a Holiday. It doesn't work very well. In addition to that, the hospital doctor who was following my condition wanted to make sure I was getting enough nutrition without the feeding tube, so he wanted to keep me another 24 hours. When I heard that, I couldn't stop crying. I think one more day would have made me insane!

Not that I was being mistreated, by any stretch of the imagination, I just needed to be home! I couldn't believe how absolutely desperate I was to get back to my family! The staff at the hospital had been exceptionally kind, patient, and understanding. Even when I spent a good deal of Monday bursting into tears seemingly without provocation. I think they were trying to calm me down so I didn't precipitate the flooding we've been so worried about. haha

FINALLY, my surgeon came in to see me. He reviewed my caloric intake, checked my vitals, saw that I was packed and ready to leave, and promptly discharged me from the hospital.

I don't have the words to describe how it felt to walk through the door to our home. I'm a ninny, I know, but the tears would not quit flowing. Especially when I saw the surprise Kevin had made for me. Knowing that I'd be spending quite a bit of time recovering in our bedroom, Kevin LITERALLY spent hours redecorating and cleaning it. Instead of the place where things landed when nobody could figure out where to put them; our bedroom has become a quiet, peaceful, lovely place to come relax and feel at home. Kevin truly is the best man I know!

I am grateful, with all my heart to all the doctors, nurses, technicians, orderlies, and others who cared for me during my two weeks in the hospital. I can tell that God sends His angels where they can be of the greatest service...because He has so many of them there.

But I think Dorothy said it best and I agree with her 100%:

There's NO PLACE like home!!!

Ding-dong...

...the trache is dead! Which old trache??? Netty's trache!!! Ding-dong Netty's trache is dead!!! It's gone where all old taches go, below? Below below Yo Ho Ho Ho Ho!!!"

The trache came out today. Breathing normally and feeling much better! Baby steps forward!

I was tempted to ask Marc if I could borrow his bus and run it over a few times, but he wasn't here! lol

Yay! Netty's tracheostomy-free!!!!

More tender mercies!!!!!!!!

Updates

To be perfectly honest, anything that happened in my life between Monday, May 16, 2011 and Wednesday afternoon, May 18, 2011; is a big pain-filled; drug-induced blur.

I don't remember much except swirling grey darkness and kind voices and gentle hands reaching out to comfort me from the darkness. My life became very focused on when the next time the little green monitor light would flash on my medication pump. Those last few minutes between relief could get excruciating. At those times I began to feel something else. Somewhere, out there in the world outside of this ICU, someone was saying a prayer for me. In those moments, I would find peace and rest; and be able to carry on to the next time.

I've been here in ICU for 12 days, now. Fully five days longer than originally planned. I've had some of the most terrifying and painful moments of my life while I've been here. Times when the pain in the broken parts of my face merged into one big throb; and others when they'd all perform their individual solos in exquisite detail. Other times - terrifying times - when my trache tube would plug completely closed. At those times there didn't seem to be a mollecule of air on this planet with my name on it. Trying to find air for lungs that are completely blocked from it is painful and frightening.

I went into this procedure fully expecting to become better acquainted with my Savior through the pain and suffering I expected to endure. ....and I have. In the quiet of the night, alone in my room, struggling for breath or against pain, prayer was the only relief to be found. I know prayer is what found me those scraps of air that kept me alive the other night.

But most interestingly enough, where I've become better acquainted with my savior has been through the hands, arms, and voices of those He sent to care for me from both sides of the veil. So often we hear how He uses us to be angels in other people's lives. I've seen this with the angels here in ICU and those taking care of my family at my house.

Yes, I've become better acquainted with my Savior throughout this process...but as usual; not in the ways I expected. I asked Him to teach me what He wanted me to learn from all this. As usual, it was in His way, not Netty's way. All I can say is that I'm humbled by this opportunity He gave to me.

I have a dream...

It's not a HUGE - DRAMATIC dream...pretty simple,but pretty important to me.

I live a happy existance with the love of my life and our two beautiful daughters. My dream is to grow old with my sweetheart and watch these two amazing daughters find their sweethearts. Then I want to be the fun and whacky grandma that their kids can't wait to spend time with. I want to go out with my Kevy and serve missions for our Church, so we can share the joy we've found in the gospel.

The problem with my dream is that I have severe sleep-apnea. So severe that the breathing machine I use at night is not really keeping it at bay. Without surgical intervention to correct the small size of my jaws and open up my airway; I am almost certainly going to have a stroke or a heart attack.

So, tomorrow morning...BRIGHT AND EARLY...I will head down to the hospital in Provo and undergo a 10-procedure surgery. I go with the love and prayers of all my friends and family...here on earth; and those who have gone on before me. I feel the love and prayers of all of you. I need you to know that without them, I don't think I could face this.

To be honest, I'm a little scared. I also have great faith that God knows my heart and sees the value of my dream. With that faith, I can hope with all my heart to see my dream come true.

I love you all! See you when I'm all better!!

Hugs and kisses,

Netty