How???

She sits...knees drawn up, arms around them, head buried in them, sobbing. 

How?? How did this child about whom, on the anniversary of her adoption I once wrote: "It used to scare me how Jackie dove into life head-first and full-speed! She had such an exuberance for trying new things!" Now new things terrify her. The thought of meeting new people can bring on a panic attack that leaves her curled in a ball, as though desperately trying to hold herself together.

The event that triggered this one was her first visit to a therapist where she had to relive the nightmare that is the root of all of this trauma. The "how" of all this is a young man...one we trusted - one by whom we were all deceived and manipulated. One, whose seemingly innocent face and demeanor hid a malice, addiction, perversion, and evil, none of us could imagine. Clever and intelligent, he used those gifts to manipulate, control, and beat into submission; our bright, lovely, sunshine-girl. His addiction to violent pornography led to his abusing her in horrible ways. In this sea of psychological control, he turned the most precious and meaningful parts of her life against her. Her Faith became a weapon with which to control her. Her loving and supportive parents - he told her would never love her if they knew what was going on. Little by little, he stripped her of all that she could have turned to for help. He turned all that was precious, good and wholesome against her.

Now we sat in the car...me, desperately searching for anything to say that would help. Her, desperately clinging to what control she had left in order to not collapse under the weight of it all... She didn't want to talk - asked me not to talk to her; so I turned where she no longer would. I pleaded with Heavenly Father for help. Truly, if I love this precious daughter, He loves her infinitely more. After all, she is His first. I don't know what to do to help - but I have absolute faith that He does.

After we got home, she closed herself upstairs...leaving me feeling helpless, scared, and lost - thinking that I would do anything to take this pain and suffering from my beloved daughter. Again, I pleaded for help from above. I was prompted to listen to General Conference. The first talk I came to was "The Master Healer" by Carol M. Stephens.

As it was the first time I heard this talk, it seemed directed at me. Even more-so after the events of the morning. She quoted Elder Richard G. Scott who said: 

"When you have done what is reasonable to help one you love, lay the burden at the feet of the Savior. … As you so act, not only will you find peace...Complete healing will come through your faith in Jesus Christ and His power and capacity, through His Atonement, to heal the scars of that which is unjust and undeserved.”

Then she concluded with: "Sisters, I testify that—You don’t have to continue to carry the burden of sorrow caused by sin—alone. You don’t have to carry the pain caused by the unrighteous actions of others—alone. You don’t have to experience the painful realities of mortality—alone.

The Savior pleads:

“Will ye not now return unto me, and repent of your sins, and be converted, that I may heal you?

“… If ye will come unto me ye shall have eternal life. Behold, mine arm of mercy is extended towards you, and whosoever will come … will I receive.”

“He would do anything to take this from you.” In fact, “He already has.” In the name of Jesus Christ, the Master Healer, amen."

How??  How did we come to this point in our lives? Through the unrighteous actions of another. How will we get through this? Patience, love, and faith in the Master Healer. Right now my daughter has lost that faith - but that's ok. I may not be able to bear the burden for her - someone else already has. But I have faith in the Master Healer and I can lend it in her behalf until at last she is whole and healthy again. The road of healing will be long for all of us. But I testify that we are NEVER alone. We have a loving Father who will send help - angels of light from both sides of the veil to lift us up, to heal our broken hearts, minds, and spirits; and ultimately to bring us home to Him. We, all of us - even those whose unrighteous actions have caused our pain - can come home to Him; through Jesus Christ - The Master Healer.