Christmas ponderings

The last few weeks have found me pondering the reasons we even have this “most wonderful time of the year”. I began thinking of the Nativity – the “Greatest Story Ever Told” - and in those moments, the participants in this story jumped into my thoughts.

I thought of Joseph. He who was chosen to be the earthly father for the Father's Only Begotten Son. He was so faithful and obedient. When the angel told him not to put Mary away, he didn't question or remind the angel about the whispers and gossip that must surely have surrounded their situation. No, Joseph simply “did as the angel...had bidden him”. I reflected on that long journey and the trying circumstances of traveling with his wife in what to him must have been a worrying situation. 

Then to FINALLY get where they were going, only to NOT be able to find any accommodations. He must have been SO concerned for Mary and the baby she was soon to deliver. I imagined Joseph going into that stable and looking at the animals and all the mess, dirt, and debris that come with them. I can imagine him looking to Heaven and saying “This??? This is where You want us to bring Your Son, our Messiah into the world???” But, as he had in response to the angel – Joseph did what was right and set about making the best of what they had to work with. I imagine him raking out the old straw and putting down fresh. I imagine him cleaning out that manger and lining it with fresh, clean hay, and clean soft bedding. Steady, faithful, loving, and obedient – that was Joseph.

I wonder at Mary...so young, but so valiant, faithful, and obedient. When presented with her divine mission to be the earthly mother of the Messiah, she asked one question. When given the answer, she humbly and meekly submitted to the will of the Father - “Be it unto me, according to thy word” tells us so much about who Mary was. 

I can't even imagine how hard that journey to Bethlehem was for a young woman who was 9 months pregnant. Then knowing the baby was coming right away, and not being able to find a place to stay... I can only imagine what must have been going through her mind and heart. But Mary trusted Joseph, and they both trusted the Father. Though humble and lowly, a place was provided “and she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger...”

Then there was the angel appearing to the shepherds. Out in the dark, quiet, lonely countryside, those humble shepherds tended their flocks. 

That same Heavenly messenger appeared so he could “bring good tidings of great joy!” and gave them the good news!

I imagine that single messenger from Heaven would have given those shepherds something to marvel about if he'd been the only one to show up. But suddenly – SUDDENLY! A multitude of the heavenly host was with him. I imagine that heavenly host – maybe even some of us in our pre-mortal life – not being able to hold back their joy and singing glory to God and peace on earth!!! What a joyful noise!!! 

With their departure, those awe-struck shepherds went with “haste” and witnessed the baby – their Messiah – just as the angel had said. And seeing, believed and bore witness.

All these individuals were simply going about their lives. Lives that might never have intersected but for one thing. Heavenly Father had a plan, and they each had a part to play in that plan. A part of the Greatest Story Ever Told... The birth of a baby.

Not just any baby – their God – the Lord Jehovah, descended from His Heavenly throne to be born in a lowly stable – to be cradled in a feeding trough. Why? So He could save them – so He could save US! He, who was the greatest of all descended below all things. And He continues today. Because He meets us where we are and HOW we are. He comes to change the lowliest and most broken hearts. And heal the deepest and most devastating wounds.

I testify that as He did with the participants of the Nativity, Heavenly Father has a plan for each of us. He has a path laid out before us that simply requires our obedient submission to His will. He will lead us and show us the way – just as He did all those years ago with a young girl, a carpenter, and some humble shepherds. I bear my witness that the Lord of Heaven came to earth to reach the lowliest and most broken; to lift them up to the greatest heights and bring them home to Celestial glory. All He requires is our broken and humble hearts, and our willing obedience. As we give those gifts to Him, we each become participants in “The Greatest Story Ever told”. I testify that Jesus Christ is the light and the life of this world. He lives and loves each of us – just as we are and where we are.

Merry Christmas with all our love and best wishes for a safe and blessed New Year!

Love,

Annette & Kevin 

Jesus Christ is the Treasure...

 Several months ago, I was asked to speak in our Ward's Sacrament meeting. I have been meaning to share it here, but haven't felt the time was right, until now. With this being Easter week, I am trying to focus on my beloved Savior, Jesus Christ and all He's done for me - culminating in His great Atoning Sacrifice and Resurrection. I owe Him everything and love Him beyond the words to express it. Here is my talk entitled: Jesus Christ is the Treasure, based on Elder Dale G. Renlund's talk of the same title: 

"Good afternoon, Sisters and Brothers. I have been asked to speak to you today using Elder Dale G. Renlund's talk in this month's General Conference, as a reference. His talk is entitled: Jesus Christ is the Treasure.

Elder Renlund begins his remarks with the story of the discovery of the tomb of King Tutankhamun in Egypt. After digging in the Valley of the Kings, unsuccessfully for five years, the explorers finally realized that they had not searched in the location of their base camp. After a few days of digging in that new spot, they discovered the tomb they were looking for. Literally, the treasure was right under their feet all along. They missed it because they were looking “beyond the mark”.

Elder Renlund explains that this phrase: “Looking beyond the mark” was how the Book of Mormon prophet Jacob referred to taking for granted or undervaluing what is nearby. He said that Jacob prophesied that when our Savior, Jesus Christ came to the people at Jerusalem, they would not recognize Him as the promised Messiah. And he was right. The people at Jerusalem didn't see what or who was right in front of them. Instead, they rejected Him, mocked Him, and finally – they crucified Him. In vain, they continued looking for someone else to save them.

Elder Renlund said: “Like those people in Jerusalem...we too can be prone to look beyond the mark. We need to guard against this tendency lest we miss Jesus Christ in our lives and fail to recognize the many blessings He offers us. We need Him. We are counseled to rely 'wholly upon the merits of him who is mighty to save.'

He is our mark. If we incorrectly imagine that there is a need for something beyond what He offers, we deny or diminish the scope and power He can have in our lives.

Jesus Christ is our treasure.”

I remember a time in my life where I missed what was right in front of me until Heavenly Father took that opportunity to teach me a life-changing lesson.

Just to give you a little background to this story... In addition to some abdominal health issues I'm currently having; that the doctors haven't figured out yet - I have an auto-immune disease called “Sarcoidosis”. It's a disease which causes abnormal collections of inflammatory cells called granuloma. It can affect every organ in the body. It causes inflammation, flu-like feverishness, pain, and dragging fatigue. There is no explanation for what causes it. There is no cure. It can go into remission (which mine did until 2019). It can reoccur (which mine has). It can last a few years or long-term. It can also be fatal.

There's rarely a day when I am not in pain somewhere. I know this sounds like I'm a big whiner, but I am honestly trying not to be. This is simply my daily life with active Sarcoidosis and it's exhausting. It's as if your body is at war with itself.

In spite of all this, I try really hard to keep a positive attitude and a cheerful countenance. For the most part, I succeed. Sometimes, however, when the flare-ups seem never-ending; I get worn down and discouraged. On those days, the effort to keep trying seems over-whelming. On those days, I just want to quit and go home to Heavenly Father. I'm very grateful that those days are rare.

All that being said, I'm not having a “pity-party”. It's just that this is hard. Hurting all the time saps your strength and energy. I don't want to be that person who puts themselves to bed every time they have a hangnail. (I'm exaggerating...) But really, I want to muscle through this and do as much as I can - as cheerfully as I can. I especially don't want to be a crabby-sick-person.

I am learning to let go of things I can't do and not despair over them – and hope that someday I'll be able to do those things again. I am being taught to embrace the victories as they come. I am learning to focus on the joy Heavenly Father showers down on me each day. It may not be the joy I asked for, but it is joy! I am being taught – tutored or polished, if you will – to see that God can make so much more of me than I could ever make of myself.

I'm not there yet, but someday I hope to be able to embrace this polishing with a cheerful heart and no whining. In the meantime, I am grateful that Heavenly Father is patient with me when I am not so patient with His plan. I keep trying to alter the blueprints and He keeps lovingly steering me back on course. I am also infinitely grateful for a God who must have a wondrously perfect sense of humor. I hope my clumsiness in fumbling my way along this path gives Him more to chuckle at and less of a desire to hurl lightning bolts to zap me with.

I am beyond grateful for the love and support of my dear husband. He does so much for me – mostly, he doesn't see me as disabled or handicapped. He sees me – into the heart of me. I love how he loves me and I try to do whatever I can to make this challenge easier for him. Awhile ago, I had an idea of something new I could do that might help lighten Kevin's load...

So I tried something new and it didn't work the way I planned. The way I planned... I was so disappointed. I cried in frustration and anger. I felt broken, lost, defective, and useless. I stood below, shaking my fist at Heaven – railing at the failure of my plan. My plan... totally forgetting that I am committed to living HIS plan. It didn't last long – this anger and frustration. For me, it rarely does. Heavenly Father is perfect and sees everything. I KNOW I need to trust that but being a flawed and imperfect human; I lose sight of that occasionally. I am beyond grateful for a patient, loving Father who waits for me to get it out of my system and come back around...then with a loving hand on my shoulder He guides me where I need to go.

It wasn't a total loss – as usual, Heavenly Father turns my failings into opportunities to teach me. This experience made me ponder about my relationship with Him. I began thinking of how He dealt with the people we read about in the scriptures. Suddenly I was seeing them in a new-personal way. As I thought about who I am to our Heavenly Father, I could see myself in their stories.

I am Ruth. In the early days of our marriage, I promised my husband that I would go with him where ever Heavenly Father took us. So, I did - “...for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God...”

As life didn't follow the course I thought it would, I became Esther. In discovering how to follow the path Heavenly Father was leading me to, I learned to ask myself: “who knoweth whether thou art come to the kingdom for such a time as this?” The Lord has a purpose for me – trusting Him to show me that purpose is a life-long pursuit.

I am the woman with the issue of blood, reaching out to the Savior for healing – hoping...hoping...hoping...

I am Sarah, and Elizabeth feeling alone in my barrenness; longing for children who seem to never come. Feeling defective and less-than. Until God's mercy smiled upon me as it had them and I, like my scriptural-sisters, embraced the joy of motherhood.

I am the woman at the well, discovering the “gift of God” and “Living Water”, our Treasure. He who knows “all things that I ever did” and learning the answer to the question “...is not this the Christ?”

I am Peter – when I'm full of enthusiasm and the Spirit – ready to jump out of the boat and run on the water to Jesus. Then life gets “boisterous”, and I get in over my head. Suddenly I'm crying out, “Lord, save me!” Always He stretches forth His hand and catches me despite of my “little faith”

I'm Lehi and Sariah at the Tree of life, souls filled with “exceedingly great joy” and wanting to share it with loved ones. Standing bereft as beloved children “would not come...and partake...”.

I am Joseph, walking into what will soon become a sacred grove... Reading that story of a boy who was not much older than I, when I first read of him. He like I, “lacked wisdom”. He like I, found the faith to ask “the” question. For me, the seeds of my testimony were sown in my reading of Joseph and the answer to HIS prayer. “This is My Beloved Son. Hear Him!”

Even as I liken the scriptures to myself, I am making my own record. This is MY path – my unique journey. Heavenly Father knows what I need and how I must progress. So, taking strength from my scriptural-friends and the lessons they teach me; I continue writing my story - day by day. Noting the times when I'm swamped with love and joy for God's grace and goodness to me. As well as the times when I feel desolate, down-trodden, put-upon, and used up. Times when the only thing holding me up is the touch of the Master's hand, His love, His kindness, and His mercy. I think of the widow woman who by obeying the prophet Elijah one day, had enough food for days to come. It reminds me to trust that God's goodness can be enough to get me through today, and tomorrow it will be enough again. It teaches me to trust that “Surely as I (God) have thought, so shall it come to pass...” Isaiah 14:24... God always keeps His promises and He will never lead me astray.

I tried something new, and it didn't work because I was following the wrong plan, or looking beyond the mark. I tried something new and failed, but not really. Because my loving Father took my hand and led me through a lesson that showed me a better glimpse of His plan. He showed me that He can teach me valuable truths and use me to bless others – even when I feel broken, lost, defective, and useless. Because to Him, I am none of those things. To Heavenly Father, I am like the Apostle John in the scriptures. I am “Beloved.”

I testify of the truthfulness of these things. I testify that Jesus Christ is our beloved Savior. He suffered for our sins and all the other hard things we must endure in this life. He did this so that we can repent, change, and be His disciples. He did this so He could perfectly succor us, be our advocate with our Father, and be our 'kind, wise, Heavenly friend'. If you have a problem, question, concern, pain, grief, sorrow, regret, or just need love – I testify that Jesus Christ is always the answer – He is our treasure. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Confidence...

 Years ago, Kevin and I were blessed to have a sweet, humble, loving home teacher named Jaime Jennings. During one visit, Brother Jennings said something that completely changed our lives. 

At this particular time, things in our extended family were in a little bit of chaos. We had family members going through some serious trials that were SO difficult. In addition to these, Kevin was just recovering from a systemic infection that had taken weeks to get over. Dear Brother Jennings asked how we were doing, and Kevin just unloaded all over him with the issues facing us and our loved ones. After the diatribe was over, Brother Jennings asked if he could offer a prayer for us. In this prayer, Brother Jennings said, "Dear Heavenly Father, we thank Thee that Thou hast trusted the Websters with these challenges..."

  

Wait! What?!?!?! That idea that Father was TRUSTING us with these trials just stopped us in our tracks! We knew that the difficult circumstances we encountered in our lives were learning experiences whose lessons could shape and refine us. But the idea that Heavenly Father was entrusting us with these experiences because He knew that we were ready to learn what He had to teach us, put us in partnership with God... It changed everything about how we approach trials in our lives.

  

Fast forward to now and we're facing a different set of challenges. My ongoing health issues are a trial with seemingly no end in sight. It is hard, exhausting, and often heart-breaking. Still, we know without a doubt that Heavenly Father has a plan for us and we are trusting Him to help us navigate our way through this.

Our Savior knows that life is hard. He knows exactly what we are each enduring in our lives because He lived it in our behalf during His great Atoning Sacrifice. More than anyone else in our lives, Jesus Christ "gets it"!!! Elder Dale G. Renlund of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles said: "Jesus loves you, and He has confidence in you, and you can have confidence in Him." When I recently read that quote, it took me right back to dear Brother Jennings and his life-changing prayer. If Heavenly Father is trusting us with the challenges we face in life, of COURSE Jesus has confidence in us. Since He endured all the challenges we face in life, and knows perfectly how to help us navigate through them - then of COURSE we can have confidence in Him!

 

All of these thoughts have brought me so much comfort and peace. Maybe it's that misery does indeed love company, but it helps to know that we're not in this alone. Our loving Heavenly Father and our Savior, Jesus Christ are walking with us, every step of the way. With such a celestial support-system, how can we not have the courage to walk the path they've set before us with faith and confidence in Them; in every footstep?

The Master of my faith...

I have an autoimmune disease. Last year, in an attempt to figure out why we couldn't get it to go back into remission, we saw a specialist. Little did we know the medical adventure we had just begun.

In all honesty, it's a long story. Bottom line is, through a series of seemingly unconnected events, tests, imaging, attempted and aborted surgery, and many - many - many appointments with different doctors, we've discovered some unforeseen issues affecting my health. These issues are things we only found because I was having tests for something else entirely. Who woulda thunk?

This past Friday, Kevin and I went up to the University of Utah to see yet another specialist. We left the office with a plan, but not the one we went for in the first place. And again, the need for yet another visit with yet another specialist. 

We've been at this for going on a year, now. You'd think we'd be scared, or frustrated, or discouraged, or some other negative emotion. That's the interesting thing to me - we're none of those things.

Sometime in this long, drawn-out process, I've had an epiphany... when you put yourself in Heavenly Father's hands, He will use life's ups and downs to make so much more of you than you could make of yourself. This series of events is no different.

Looking back over the last year of tests and doctors, I can see how one test or diagnosis led to another. One seemingly unrelated issue led to discovering others. I can see Father's hand in this journey. I feel as if He's leading me to a healthier me - physically. Spiritually, I feel Him teaching me, shaping me, and refining my spirit.

There's still a lot going on and right now I'm not getting better physically. We have a lot of unanswered questions about what's happening with my health. I'm still not able to do all that I want to. But I have seen SO many angels helping - from BOTH sides of the veil..,. most especially, my sweetheart, Kevin. And I have literally felt the prayers that have been offered up in my behalf...I have felt them lifting my spirit and warming my heart.

I have said many times that God is in the details of the details of the details of our lives. He knows what we need, and many times even before we think to ask, He is answering our prayers. I know that He who healed the sick, gave sight to the blind, made lame beggars walk and raised the dead; could heal me. I know He knows what's wrong with me and how to fix it. I have SUCH faith that He could....if....  But if not, I hope I have faith NOT to be healed. Faith to live as He would have me live if my physical impairments continue instead of getting better. I hope I have faith to say as He did "...nevertheless not as I will but as thou wilt..." 

Because here is one thing I know without question: Heavenly Father has a plan for me. He knows my potential and what I can become. I want THAT!!!  I want to be what He wants me to be because I know that will be the very best version of me. I don't always have to know why things happen the way they do - but I know - absolutely, that He does - and I trust Him - absolutely.

So, wherever this health-adventure takes us, I know we'll be ok because the Captain of our life's ship commands the winds and the waves. He can calm the troubled seas in my life, and in case I start sinking He also walks on water. 

I'll keep you all posted as to when and if we find answers... In the meantime I'll leave you with these words of the Master of our ship: "These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world." *John 16:33*

Thirty-Five Years ago...

May 21, 1988...35 years ago, we walked out of the Mesa, Arizona Temple - sealed for Time and All Eternity... Thirty-five years ago we took our first steps into our "Happily Ever After". 

Oh, what a journey it's been! So many tales to tell, so many memories flood my mind. I hardly know where to start. Honestly, my heart is SO full. Almost too full for words. So I'll keep it simple. 

I have been blessed with a forever-love, a good-good man, a marriage that has exceeded my wildest dreams, and happiness in that marriage that fills my heart to overflowing. God has been incredibly good to us. He is the author of our story, the finisher of our faith, hopes, and dreams. Kevin and I have been amazingly blessed in these last 35 years. 

So, because I haven't got the words to describe this incredible journey, I'll let the following pictures speak for me. Here we are, in no particular order and with no ado whatsoever.....  This is us...

Kevin and Annette...

An Open Letter

To my Sweetheart;

Do you remember where we began?

 

Ten years of being best friends...and then...and then.... new and wonderful feelings stirred in our hearts. Somehow deeper and sweeter than the love between the dearest of friends...

 

Do you remember our first date? Walking on Mt. Soledad, the entire San Diego basin at our feet. You held my hand - and although I was terribly shy about such things, deep in my heart I wished you would kiss me. I didn't know that you were thinking the same thing....

Our time together seemed all too short with me in Arizona and you in California. Somehow we made long-distance work in the days before email and cellphones. Quiet walks on the beach, fun days at Disneyland, trips to the Temple, exploring Seaport Village - you gave me the coin for the wishing fountain there. Did you know that I wished for you? 

Finally - finally, all my wishes came true. Do you remember that night, 35 years ago today. (Can it really be that long ago? It seems like yesterday.) The Mesa Temple garden was still and beautiful. My heart was full - and to be honest - a little fearful. One little question could spark so many BIG changes...changing EVERYTHING!!!

You asked me to be your "wife, the mother of your children, and your eternal companion". All the things that one question would change in my life ran through my mind...but the Spirit was SO strong. How could I answer any other way but "Yes, I think I'd like that."

Do you remember the rest of the night? Magic roses, lipstick faces, joy, peace and almost giddy happiness? 

Can it really be 35 years? You were the answer to my prayers, everything I hoped, all my dreams come true. You still are. Seems like yesterday...the day you and I took the first of many steps to becoming us.

I love you, Kevin. I'd do everything all over again - as long as it was with you. And I'd still say 'yes'.

I would have...

Today in Ward Council, a spiritual thought was shared. It was something written by Kimberly Henderson, entitled "I Would Have Pulled Him Out...."

"I would have pulled Joseph out. Out of that pit. Out of that prison. Out of that pain. And I would have cheated nations out of the one God would use to deliver them from famine.

I would have pulled David out. Out of Saul's spear-throwing presence. Out of the caves he hid away in. Out of the pain of rejection. And I would have cheated Israel out of a God-hearted king.

I would have pulled Esther out. Out of being snatched from her only family. Out of being placed in a position she never asked for. Out of the path of a vicious, power hungry foe. And I would have cheated a people out of the woman God would use to save their very lives.

    

And I would have pulled Jesus off. Off of the cross. Off of the road that led to suffering and pain. Off of the path that would mean nakedness and beatings, nails and thorns. And I would have cheated the entire world out of a Savior. Out of salvation. Out of an eternity filled with no more suffering and no more pain.

And oh friend, I want to pull you out. I want to change your path. I want to stop your pain But right now I know I would be wrong. I would be out of line. I would be cheating you and cheating the world out of so much good. Because God knows. He knows the good this pain will produce. He knows the beauty this hard will grow. He's watching over you and keeping you even in the midst of this. And He's promising you that you can trust Him. Even when it feels like more than you can bear.

So instead of trying to pull you out, I'm lifting you up. I'm kneeling before the Father and I'm asking Him to give you strength. To give you hope. I'm asking Him to protect you and to move you when the time is right. I'm asking Him to help you stay prayerful and discerning. And I'm believing He's going to use your life in powerful and beautiful ways. Ways that will leave your heart grateful and humbly thankful for this road you've been on."

In a recent conversation, Kevin and I were noticing how many of our family, friends, and loved ones are struggling right now. Our "Please help them, God" prayer list is getting longer every day.

 

It has been said that God will not give you a trial or challenge that is more than you can handle or bear. Often we don't realize that His idea of what we can bear and what WE think we can bear are two very different things. In my life, I've come to the realization that Heavenly Father WILL give us more than what we can bear. He does that when He takes us right to the limits of our endurance, and then allows us to step over that line. That's because He knows on the other side of that line, the Savior waits with His yoke.... with the help of the Savior, we can bear quite a bit more than we could on our own. Philippians 4:13 reads: "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." Matthew 11:29-30 also reads: "Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light..."

I think that this life is a place for us to prove ourselves to God - to prove to Him that we will do all things which He sees we need to endure. If we are to live with Him and our Savior someday; we need to learn all that these "hard things" can teach us and become what these refining experiences can polish us into becoming. After all, "The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than He?" (Doctrine and Covenants 122:8)

So instead of pulling each of us out of our hard places; I will bring my petitions and lay them at the feet of our Advocate with our Heavenly Father. In my prayers, I will shine Heaven's light upon each of your names and beg for His ministering angels to rally around you. May His grace, mercy, and love buoy you up and lead you through.