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To be perfectly honest, anything that happened in my life between Monday, May 16, 2011 and Wednesday afternoon, May 18, 2011; is a big pain-filled; drug-induced blur.

I don't remember much except swirling grey darkness and kind voices and gentle hands reaching out to comfort me from the darkness. My life became very focused on when the next time the little green monitor light would flash on my medication pump. Those last few minutes between relief could get excruciating. At those times I began to feel something else. Somewhere, out there in the world outside of this ICU, someone was saying a prayer for me. In those moments, I would find peace and rest; and be able to carry on to the next time.

I've been here in ICU for 12 days, now. Fully five days longer than originally planned. I've had some of the most terrifying and painful moments of my life while I've been here. Times when the pain in the broken parts of my face merged into one big throb; and others when they'd all perform their individual solos in exquisite detail. Other times - terrifying times - when my trache tube would plug completely closed. At those times there didn't seem to be a mollecule of air on this planet with my name on it. Trying to find air for lungs that are completely blocked from it is painful and frightening.

I went into this procedure fully expecting to become better acquainted with my Savior through the pain and suffering I expected to endure. ....and I have. In the quiet of the night, alone in my room, struggling for breath or against pain, prayer was the only relief to be found. I know prayer is what found me those scraps of air that kept me alive the other night.

But most interestingly enough, where I've become better acquainted with my savior has been through the hands, arms, and voices of those He sent to care for me from both sides of the veil. So often we hear how He uses us to be angels in other people's lives. I've seen this with the angels here in ICU and those taking care of my family at my house.

Yes, I've become better acquainted with my Savior throughout this process...but as usual; not in the ways I expected. I asked Him to teach me what He wanted me to learn from all this. As usual, it was in His way, not Netty's way. All I can say is that I'm humbled by this opportunity He gave to me.