I have been writing this post in my head for months, now. Somehow I never got past the emotion of it long enough to get it here on the blog.
I didn't get to give birth to my children, but I felt that moment I think every mother feels. You know the one - where you look at your child and for the first time, your heart beats outside your body. You feel a love that is unlike any other you have felt before or will feel again. Oh, I felt that....so truly, and so deeply, it was almost painful in its intensity. In the musical, "Hello Dolly" there's a song entitled "It Only Takes a Moment" which seems to fit: "I held her for an instant, but my arms felt sure and strong. It only takes a moment to be loved a whole life long..."
I thought (naively) that because we had to work so hard to get our children; that I was better prepared to cherish them than a parent for whom having children came easily. Now, I'm not sure having children is easy for any parent....it wrings your heart in so many ways. When I first became a mother, I was told that I would love one stage of parenting or another more than others. I honestly found that I cherished each stage of my children's development. Each brought new challenges and new adventures. I delighted in seeing the world anew through my children's eyes. That being said, someone also told me that once your child begins to walk, every step they take is a step away from you. While that may sound melancholy, it is as it should be. Our children are not truly "ours"; they are entrusted to us by our Heavenly Father.
All too soon, milestone birthdays came and went. Chubby baby hands and feet gave way to long, elegant hands and feet that out-grew shoes every time I blinked. Phones, make-up and boys replaced dolls, princesses and fairies. Homework, science-fair projects, and research papers sped us at light-speed through school until before I could catch my breath; I was watching poised, beautiful young ladies walk across a stage to accept diplomas.
I remember my dear mom struggling - and not always successfully with her own children growing up and moving away. At the time it felt as if the "apron strings" would strangle me. Once I had children of my own, I had so much greater empathy for my poor mom. Letting go is painful, but rewarding at the same time. Being a parent is often like that - a mix of emotions....bittersweet, hard and rewarding, frustrating and joyful, poignant and fun. We hold them close as we prepare to let them go.
Somehow, in the after-high-school-life that was so very fleeting; handsome, charming young men snuck in and stole the hearts of my precious girls. Oh, how fast those courtships flew. Before I could catch my breath, my babies were beautiful, radiant brides, kneeling across the alter from their Prince Charmings. Each of my girls has now ridden off into their own Happily-Ever-After; leaving me alone with my own Prince Charming. Our sometimes noisy, chaotic house has settled down to a more quietly controlled chaos. Our girls and their sweethearts come back and the noise-level increases only to recede too quickly. There is great satisfaction in realizing that your children have grown up to be interesting people with whom you have become dear friends.
Don't get me wrong, we are enjoying this new phase of our lives. Kevin and I love being together. We love the relationships we have with our children and sons-in-law. Being "empty-nesters" is an adventure all its own. Still, looking back, I realize that the song "It Only Takes a Moment" applies not just to the love at first sight we felt when we met our girls. It also applies to how quickly our time with them growing up has flown by. I often tell my friends who are just beginning this fascinating journey of parenthood - "Don't blink, treasure every second, because it flies by". In truth it only takes a moment to love a whole life long..."
